“This loneliness turns in your favor
while I fell out with your absence,
these sighs are not silent to love,
Further when it calls upon your presence…”

Your absence and my presence do not get along…

Every night it’s you

Every night..

I hug my pillow pretending you are here by my side.. pretending that you are lying right next to me, that I can feel your smell… that I can feel your skin, that I can feel your breath, that I can feel your hands around me, that I can see your eyes staring at me, that I can tell you how much I love you and how much I miss you when you are not around.

Every night.. I hug my pillow dreaming with you, waiting for you to come to my dreams, to be happy, to hug you tight, to kiss you tender, to touch your hand, to take you with me to the never ending story about us…

Every night.. I wait for the reason to my dreams.. you

Every night.. I’m afraid to wake up, and lose you again..

That’s why, every morning I wake up and whisper to the wind.. I love you, I miss you, I want you~

I’m sorry… is time to say goodbye

I’m sorry if I hurt you, it was not my intention make it hard for you. You know now what my heart feels for you, you know now that you are not the owner of him.
I’m sorry if my words are a burden for you, but it was your choice to keep suffering for what could be solved at time.
I don’t know if you are trying to be happy but is what I wish by heart for you, my beats don’t have your name anymore.
I am trying to find my own way to my happiness, that happiness that will make me feel complete in every space of my body and my soul.
At this time, my heart was taken, not by words but by feelings… I’m sorry if I hurt you now, but was your own decision to let it go before.
I’m sorry if I let you to drop a tear of pain, my heart hurts knowing that you feel the pain that I felt when you broke my heart for first time. Please do not cling to me, do not cling to the impossible this time, forget my name, forget my face, erases every memory you have from me.. let me go, do not cling on me…

With my heavy heart I ask you now.. what I never asked you before when my love was the biggest feeling I used to have for you, don’t hold my hand anymore, take me away from your heart, leave a space on it for a new beginning, don’t see life like it was a waste of time, don’t fill your heart with bitterness… be happy when you feel ready..

What can I do for you to be fine? If I have to disappear I will.. If I have to be invisible I will.. If I have to hide I will.. but don’t destroy your own love. One thing I’m thankful to you, that I learned to love with no regrets, to love deeply with no fears, to not to be afraid to give everything… thank you.

I’m sorry… but is time to say goodbye
Be happy, live good, smile always~

 

Thank you for everything…

… for raising me and to be who I am now.

I still remember the hard times we had together
I still remember when in Christmas we were alone in the middle of the dark at night..
we fell asleep before midnight and let you alone just watching through the window
I know you cried alone my queen.. and feel your pain now.

I still remember when dad had to go for long because of work..
and you keep fighting for us alone,
the hardest moments came and you cried alone my queen
I was a child without understand why but tried to confort you anytime.

I still remember when I cried because of pain..
you were there always for me and stayed by my side…
you never let me alone in that moment when I got injured by accident, for you I could walk normally again
my entire life I’ll be thankful with you my queen for never give up with me.

I still remember when you used to tell us fairy tales before to sleep
but you were so tired that most of time that we couldn’t hear the end of the story
I understand now the hard time working and being mom at same time is not easy
I can see your wet eyes everytime you remember how much you suffer for us my queen.

I know now your memories when I fell sick and almost die..
your perseverance brought me back to the life again..
I know you cried a lot alone and silently keeping it by yourself and showing strength in front of everybody else
I know you were hurt deeply when because of me you had bad and hard moments my queen.. I’m so sorry.

Life gave you many hits, that you could pass over and over again..
always together.. you mom and dad.. fighting for us.. fighting for our life.. fighting for give us a future
always teaching us that life is not about what you recieve in change but is about what you give to live better
lessons I won’t forget never.. for you.. I am what I am now..

Thank you for everything.. even when our actions sometimes hurt you.. my heart break into pieces after
Thank you for your love.. even when we do mistakes, we are holding your hand anyway for not leave us alone
Thank you for my life.. even when you had to forget about yourself to give us something to eat…
Thank you for everything you give me until now.. supporting, hugging me, althought sometimes I don’t say a word..

Thank you my heroes!

 

 

If sometime I have to say goodbye…

To my family:

  • I’m sorry… if I made a mistake, please forgive me; if I couldn’t keep fighting, please understand me; if I tried to be strong and failed, please support me… if you sometime though that I was ignoring what happened to you, please don’t misunderstand to me, all that I wanted was don’t make it worse and give you, space… if many times I wanted to go out and live my own life, was because I always was worried about what I could do for you, how I could give you a better life, how I could help myself to be a better person for you.. a better daughter, a better sister. Sorry for my mistakes and ignorance to certain things… my twin bro… ohh~~  you! Even if we have different ways to think, you are my half. I love you so much. My dwarf! You are my life, if something happen to you I’ll die… without you in my life now, I wouldn’t be able to keep breathing… I love you with all my entire being. For my relatives: I always remember you, although we aren’t in touch so often… I’m thankful with who always helped me when I needed… thank you so much. My cousin/sister… you… yes you… always will be part of my life; always will be my sister… my best friend…

I love you, I always loved you and I will do even if I die, I’ll never be away from you.

 

To my friends:

    • Thank you for keep by my side… I’m grateful to find such beautiful friends like you guys… no matter if the time we met was short or long, I’ve had beautiful moments with you, happy, sad, bad even weird moments… I appreciated every single second with you, if I made a mistake… pardon, if I said something wrong… sorry, from the bottom of my heart. I’ve been real all the time, never tried to be someone that I don’t, I always showed all my sides as person, now… everything is up to me, but I’ll say that I’ll be keep fighting till the end… always I’ll keep my faith and believe, and if this is my fate… I’ll accept it, please never give up… keep smiling and if you feel down or tired of everything… just breath, watch the moon and think how lucky you are for be alive and have all that you have… I don’t wanna go with regrets so… I’ll forget all the bad and keep with me the best moments of my life with you. Be happy.

 

To my love:

  • I don’t know if you exist in my world, or if I meet you now, or if you just going to appear in front of me someday, this words are for you, I’m loving you for who you are, I’m loving you for what I am when I’m with you, I’m loving you because you give me the power for be better every day, I’m loving you because I know that you can understand me even if I don’t say anything. I’m grateful for meet you and for all the magical moments that you gave me, it’s my greatest treasure that I’ll keep with me even if I have to go away. Nothing is forever; I wanna that you be my nothing. No matter how far away I am, I’ll always remember you, when you have forgotten me, I’ll think of you. My immortal.

Life have prepared many surprises and disputes, nobody knows how long going to live, let’s try to live in peace with no regrets, if you wanna say something, say it, if you wanna scream just do it. Love can’t be forced, if your love is unreciprocated, then… find another way. Maybe my heart has many scars, I tried to heal my wounds… holding back my tears… sometimes was hard but I could do… now that I learned how to be strong… I believe that I can live with this music without melody… this it’s me!